Tuesday, March 19
I grabbed one of my Zohar volumes and began scanning the ancient texts written in Aramaic and Hebrew. Scanning was supposed to bring miracles and blessings, like taking vitamins, Yosef said. He sent me instructions on how to scan certain volumes for various issues—one was good for legal challenges.
My attorney had finished the fifth draft of my custody and marital settlement agreements and I scanned passages correlating to legal matters. I want the divorce papers signed. I want to get an April court date and be divorced next month. I set my intention. I asked the Universe, the Great Divine, God, the Greater Consciousness System, whatever you want to label the force of nature we live in, to run the show and let the chips fall where they should. I believe the outcome will be just. But I feel edgy and scared. I need a roof over my head, preferably the one I have, and food in my mouth. Those things are up in the air right now. I believe the Universe has my back, though, and I’m along for the ride.
As I scanned, it occurred to me I’ve been producing large amounts of negative energy. I want to detach from the past. I want to focus on the present. I don’t want my precious energy leaking out on JB anymore. My mind flashed back to a morning I got out of the shower and looked at myself in the mirror and thought I’d develop cancer if I stayed in my marriage. I started crying because I saw no way out. My sons would hate me if I left their father, killed our family, because I was unhappy. But JB had given me the golden ticket. I wasn’t going to get sick and die. Yeah, I was going to die one day, but not before the Universe and I had done magnificent things together for a long long time.