Tuesday, June 19, 2018

Rats--"Thank You Ashley Madison" excerpt

Saturday, May 18

     Blake and I washed dishes, hitched the boat to my Tahoe and launched it, then laundered all the cabin linens.

     “Meals for today: pork sausage, Italian sausage, pork loin,” I texted Golf Guy. “Will need to detox.”

     I’d gone to the store last night for drinking water as the cabin water isn’t drinkable and the only non-alcoholic beverages the guys had were one carton of orange juice and a few cans of coke. Blake and I joined John, Steve, and John’s son-in-law out on the patio. Everyone except Blake, John, and me had been drinking since morning.
     “We don’t drink water when we’re up here for maintenance weekend,” Steve said raising a beer.
     “I don’t drink much anymore,” John said. “I’m usually the only guy up here not drinking. I stopped liking it.”
     “I quit ten years ago,” I said. “I liked it too much.”
     We laughed and traded drinking stories.
     “My friends and I used to get drunk and go to the loading docks and shoot dog-sized rats,” Steve said. “I’d only seen rats that size when I was slopping pigs on my grandfather’s farm. After shooting them a few times on the docks, the rats turned on us and chased us into our cars. They’re really smart.”
     John puffed on his cigar. “I was a medic in Vietnam,” he said. “One time we were drunk and sitting at a table eating pizza. A guy puked on the table and one of the helicopter pilots started picking pepperoni out of it and eating it. They did shit like that all the time to prove they were bad asses.”
     Steve helped me wash dishes after dinner. “I’m sorry about your divorce,” he said. “A lot of guys cheat. I never have. My first wife cheated on me. I left her after the third time.”
     “I got two great kids out of it. You have kids?”
     “No,” he frowned. “My wife, the one I’m married to now, failed to mention she didn’t want children before we got married.”
     “That’s not fair.”
     “It bothers me, but I still wouldn’t cheat on her. And women are really aggressive now. A twenty-four-year-old bartender told me all the good men are taken and asked if I wanted to go out with her. It was tempting, but I didn’t do it.”
     “Glad to know there are guys like you.”

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