Saturday, December 8
I haven’t been sleeping. I feel like a raw vibrating nerve. I went for a long run in the woods then did yoga. JB came over to hang out with Tom while I met Matt for dinner and a movie.
Matt and I saw “Life of Pi,” and he twisted irritably in his seat making loud nasty comments at an old woman sitting a few rows behind us who was constantly commenting to her friend.
“Oh, really, you didn’t get that from the book,” Matt sneered. “Get the hell out of here why don’t you? Look it up. Do us all a favor.”
I crouched low in my seat.
Matt and I had gone to dinner before the movie and Matt had ogled every woman who walked past our table. He told me how rich he was. He described his McMansion. He laughed about the antics of his hooker-chasing married friend.
“On every level, on every piece of what’s going on, JB’s a fucking idiot,” Matt said. “If I were him, I never would have told you. If I thought I gave my wife an STD, I’d let her itch. Deny, deny, deny. Deny to your grave.”
I didn’t think it was possible but Matt made me feel grateful toward JB. JB was panicky and made knee-jerk decisions. He believed he’d given me something bad, figured I’d find out, and told me. I wanted to believe he had a conscience somewhere in there.
“He’s a fucking idiot,” Matt repeated. “How does that make you feel? That he was doing this and you didn’t know? Stupid?”
I did feel stupid. I thought I was a bigger idiot than JB. It was my largest source of pain.
I went home and JB quickly scurried out of the house. I climbed the stairs. My bedroom light was on. The TV was on. The comforter was rumpled where a large body had lain.
“Was Dad in here watching TV?” I shouted to Tom.
My stomach lurched. Rage filled me. I stood rooted to the spot.